Saturday, March 12, 2011

How the NFL Lockout Will Affect a Hockey Fan

With the NFL players union decertified and the NFL locking out the players this weekend, many are wondering if there will be a 2011 NFL season. Sports fans everywhere will be affected as NFL owners and players decide how to split up $9 billion (they should just ask Dan Ellis how to). Hockey fans will be the most affected if there is no resolution and the NFL cancels the season. Here's how:

  • Sunday's will now be the busiest on the NHL's schedule, with games starting at 1:00pm, 4:00pm and a big matchup broadcast nationally at 8:00pm.
  • Monday Night Hockey will be the new thing to watch
  • Gary Bettman will now want an outdoor game every Sunday with all those empty bowl stadiums
  • Pardon the Interruption will now go from having 1% of their program about hockey to 2%
  • Southern markets with attendance issues can bring football players in to sign autographs at NHL games. Gotta love a sports market where everybody knows their 3rd string quarterback, but not their NHL team's top goal scorer
  • Michael Oher will sign with the Pittsburgh Penguins to protect Sidney Crosby's blindside
  • With an NFL strike, football players will have too much time on their hands resulting in stripclubs becoming too packed and overpriced. We feel sorry for Theo Fleury already - he now has zero chance of getting a seat in pervert row with the Cowboys linemen making it rain.
  • You can now have a beer in a bar on Sunday's without some guy wearing a Tom Brady jersey covered in wing sauce stains sitting next to you
  • FOX will broadcast hockey games with Terry Bradshaw doing play by play... believe it or not, this is not the worst thing FOX does - they also bring back the glow puck
  • The People's goaltender, Dan Ellis, is planning to take the year off to protest the NFL owners as he thinks the players are underpaid #DanEllisProblems
  • With the great opportunity for a new hockey market, the Phoenix Coyotes will now be playing next year in New Orleans
  • Beer prices will go up in most major cities because of the lost income from tailgating
  • Hockey fans will be happy to see NFL cheerleaders working at their local sports bar
  • Michael Vick will make a shocking return to Atlanta, signing with the Thrashers
  • In non-hockey market cities, you will no longer have to beg the bartender to put the Caps/Pens game on instead of NFL Films re-runs
  • For one year, hockey fans will be known as the craziest fans in North America. You will feel more pressure to get drunk at games and swear in front of children

What do you think will change if the NFL cancels the 2011-2012 season?

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11 comments:

  1. my stomach hurts from laughing so hard

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  2. that Crosby one is gold.. pure gold

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  3. Oh Theo, you and the rippers

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  4. NHL will benefit a great deal from an NFL cancelled season

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  5. Solid post boys. LEAFS WIN!!!!!

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  6. PTI shows hockey? When have you seen this?

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  7. Crosby and blindside jokes will never be old

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  8. NFL cheerleaders working at my local bar sounds pretty good to me. I might start tipping more..lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. Funny post
    I like the website, saw you guys on puckdaddy

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really hope the NFL is locked out for the season. This would benefit the NHL so much in terms of attracting new fans and sponsors to spread the great game of hockey. Funny post too.

    ReplyDelete
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