Thursday, June 30, 2011

Ekpunk on Free Agency

This is a running satirical segment in which Dirty Dangle's own, Ekpunk, will share with our readers some of his hockey rumours and topics from his "sources" around the NHL
Hello my amazing customers, I mean readers. With the Draft over, it is now time to look forward to July 1st - Free Agency. There's already been some trades and signings, but many big fish remain. Make sure to come to my site a few times a day to check for updates. Also for my season ticket holders you get to see my special rumour chart with completely different rumours there - so sign up!

Now to the rumours,

Panthers
With Florida well under the cap floor, look for all their restricted free agents to get multi-million dollar raises and Dale Tallon to make some big splashes in the free agent pool July 1. My sources tell me Tomas Kaberle will be taking his talents to South Beach this summer and become the highest paid defenceman next season at $9 million a season.
(E3)

Blue Jackets
Columbus are immediate playoff contenders with the addition of Jeff Carter joining Rick Nash. With plenty of cap room, I hear GM Scott Howson is promising every free agent a key to the city as well as unlimited access to firing their cannon. Look for them to make an offer sheet for Shea Weber.
(E4)

Canadiens
I'm hearing the Habs will be looking for more speed and are willing to forfeit size. Big talks with the Sabres about Nathan Gerbe and Tyler Ennis going to Montreal in exchange for Hal Gill and Travis Moen.
(E1)

Devils
The Zach Parise rumours just won't die down. Many outsiders think that he doesn't fit in with the Ilya Kovalchuk-led Devils and I've had this rumour going for a solid four months now. I've finally narrowed it down from 29 teams to 5:

Parise to the Habs
Parise to the Flames
Parise to the Oilers
Parise to the Rangers
And of course, Parise to the Maple Leafs
(E4 to all these destinations)

                                      The Ekpunk Rating System
(E1) I overheard the rumour at a bar
(E2) Nick Kypreos or someone that looks like him told me
(E3) Trusted source that can’t always be trusted with information
(E4) If a fax machine doesn’t get jammed this should happen in the near future
(E5) I promise this will happen today or tomorrow, next week at the latest

3 comments:

  1. Eklund is a joke. I feel like I'm following a fake twitter account with him because his rumours are so outragous

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think a sniper on the George Washington Bridge would kill Parise if he was caught crossing it to join the Rangers!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you're right Dave!

    ReplyDelete

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