Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Late Night Jaromir Jagr Hockey School

It was recently revealed by Yahoo!'s Nicholas J. Cotsonika that Jaromir Jagr has his own key to the Philadelphia Flyers practice facility. Jagr asked for it and goes for late night skates to work out and sharpen his skills - he calls it the Jagr Hockey School. The story is that Jagr does some extra work that he can't do during group skates or after practice when he's too tired, but that can't be all. What really goes on at the late night Jagr Hockey School?

Here's what we think goes on:
  • He opens up the snack bar and enjoys unlimited nachos and fountain pop while watching his own highlights from the 90's.
  • Jagr is secretly running an ice casino.
  • He is teaching Jody Shelley how to skate backwards.
  • His heart is still really with the Pittsburgh Penguins and he is a secret spy. He breaks into Paul Holmgrem's office every night to see what deals he's working on and reports back to Mario.
  • He works on his dangles while listening to Moves Like Jagr.
  • He puts mirrors over the glass and watches his hair blow when he streaks down the wing.
  • Jagr found Mike Richards' secret keg room at the rink and just gets hammered every night.
  • Jaromir is secretly filming Sudden Death 2 with Jean-Claude Van Damme
  • He invites children with mullets to come out and skate for free without the fear of being taunted and teased.
  • Jagr really wants to be on Battle of the Blades when he retires and is just getting a head start on avoiding toe picks .
  • He really just brings girls back to the rink and cranks Endless Love on the sound system and drives them around on the zamboni.

7 comments:

  1. The mirrors on the glass is actually believable, and the ice casino!

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  2. The Mike Richards drinking problems stories never get old.

    I am thinking Jagr gets 25 goals and 60 points this year.

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  3. Got me craving nachos now.

    Love the Jagr photoshop. The mullet on the hockey player is epic.

    @Jere
    I think he will finish closer to 50 points. He will slow up near the end.

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  4. I forgot about that scene from Happy Gilmour. I think it's time we lay off the gambling jokes on Jagr...or not.

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  5. Saw your Strip Club video on Youtube.
    When are you going to make one about the Canucks??

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  6. Looks like his late night hockey school has been working. Jagr is looking great this year. I drafted him late too in my pool.

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