Friday, December 16, 2011

The Craziest Things We've Seen At Hockey Games

Yesterday, a stinky story emerged out of the New England Senior Hockey League. A man pooped in the hockey glove of an opponent and has subsequently been banned for life. This is probably the first instance of a hockey player taking a dump in a glove - an assumption we hope is true. The player is Zung Nguyen, which may or not be an alias Brad Marchand uses when he plays mens league hockey  (he is a shit disturber after all). While this is by far the craziest thing we've ever heard of happening at a hockey game, we've seen some pretty messed up stuff in our long, amateur careers.

Here are some of the craziest things we've witnessed at our hockey games.

  • Following the post-game handshakes during a summer hockey game, the oldest guy on my team (around 55 years old) was one of the last guys on the ice heading for the exit when he was hit by the Zamboni. I shit you not (no pun intended), I've seen a guy get hit by a Zamboni. He managed to hold onto the front of the resurfacer while we got the Zamboni drivers attention to finally stop after pushing him 20 feet. The driver was in shock and couldn't believe he had run over a player. Thankfully, there were no injuries, but we did not see that Zamboni driver ever again, or the case of beer he promised us. 
  • During one of my later years of hockey, guys used to strap their helmets on so tight to make sure their helmets wouldn't come off in fights. During one game, a goon on my team was struggling to get this guys bucket off in a fight, so he punched the helmet - which cracked and split in two. Needless to say, that guy got fed many left hooks as my teammate broke his right hand when he shattered the helmet.
  • In the same later years of juvenile-aged goonery, a scene straight out of Happy Gilmore occurred when a crazy 6'4", 225lbs guy on my team got kicked out of the game. During the second period intermission, he put his skate on his hand and went into the other teams dressing room to try and fight their team - with his skate as a weapon. It took my three coaches to restrain him and force him out before anyone was injured. My head coach tossed the guy in the shower just like when Tom Hanks throws Kit in the shower to cool down in A League of Their Own and no more criminal acts took place.
  • In a game in which half your team is ejected while the other team dives all over the ice, you can expect parents to get a little nutty. In their defence, it did seem like the referee was getting a cut from the other team. After another player was ejected for arguing a call, a parent wheeled out a big green garbage can and tossed it on the ice, spilling garbage everywhere. The referee and linesman both had to lift the big garbage can to get it off the ice while I had a good laugh from my goal crease. Oh yeah, the guy who through it was my Dad. 
  • In a playoff highschool game with a decent sized home crowd out for us, one of my teammates received a dirty hit and the opponent was penalized. While in the penalty box conveniently located next to our student section, he began to taunt our fans. Not a good idea, considering we had the biggest guy in the school watching the game, who also happened to be a good friend of the player who received the dirty hit. He approached the penalty box which had an opening of about 4 inches next to the glass and grabbed the penalized players facecage. He then pulled the cage towards him in a move reminiscent of WWE and the player bounced off the glass (his head wasn't going to fit through the 4 inch gap) and flew back. The game was stopped until the fan left the building, which he did to cheers from the home crowd who also had to move over an entire section from the penalty box. 

What's the craziest thing you've ever seen at a hockey game? Any crazy hockey mom stories?


  1. In a tournament out in Windsor a parent took a slapshot off the head. Blood everywhere and she was still screaming in the ambulance.

  2. Once saw a guy throw his fountain pop at a Ref over a bad call, I'm pretty sure he was banned from watching his son play after that.

  3. Haha, love that your Dad did that. I remember this one time at Withrow Park, I was in the goalie dressing room and both teams goalies use the same room there. I'd say I was 12 or so.

    My Dad was helping me get my pads off when the kids from the other team were ripping on players on our team, calling them fags and what not. My Dad let it go for about 5 minutes or so and finally turned to them and said something like "guys knock it off, ok? people who talk about that much about people being gay must be so themselves." Something like that, just so they would shut up.

    The kids left soon after and my Dad and I were about ready to leave when a guy came in and went face to face with my Dad saying something like "what the f*** did you say to my son." My Dad tried explaining the whole situation and apologized for his comment, saying it wasn't the right thing to do. This guy shoved my Dad and before any punches were thrown it took about 6 guys to pull this guy away.

    Nothing much came of it other than we spoke to the league and they warned both my Dad and that guy. Crazy stuff when your 12 to see your Dad almost attacked though.

  4. Once my brother was playing in Steinbach Manitoba with his AA Bantam team for an exhibition game, and the calls were going so badly in one direction that all 40 of us fans that made the 3 hour drive were on our feet yelling at the refs. At one point, a penalized player from our team raised his hands towards his bench like he was confused at why he was penalized, and the refs threw him out for that.

    It got so bad that the team manager went to ice level, and started yelling at the refs loud enough that we could barely hear the music anymore. He got kicked out, and the shit hit the fan. He banged on the glass, stormed out, and seconds later, a garbage can came flying out from the player entrance and hit the glass. Eventually, half of us left due to anger, after starting an "F this Shit" chant.

    The refs were so bad that there were a few times when they would forget to blow the whistle to call the play dead, and just go pick up the puck, THEN blow the whistle. A few times, our net would come off, and they would tell the goalie to put the net back on instead of blowing the whistle. One goal occurred with the net off, too. This happened the night before a big knee operation for me, so it made the whole recovery period quite amazing.

  5. I once got a blowjob from a fan, it was great

  6. The third game I ever played in Mites (5 years old) my coach, assistant coach, and father got in a brawl with the other team's coaches behind the benches.

    One year in Squirts I was playing in a game at a tournament where the officiating was horrible. My dad got up over the glass and was tearing into the refs. The refs tried to kick him out, but he wouldn't leave. So the tournament director comes over to try to get him to leave and my dad says to the guy, "Just watch 5 minutes of the game, if you don't agree with me, I'll leave." Play restarted and the guy watched the game. My dad never had to leave.

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