Friday, December 2, 2011

WTF

WTF will be a regular feature in which we vent our frustration or admiration on player and team performances during the season that leave us baffled and dropping Bruce Boudreau f-bombs.
Roberto leads the league in doors opened with 127
Everyone loves a good rant and we find ourselves freely talking about the play of certain players or teams in the NHL throughout the season on a daily basis. Here are a few common rants you might be hearing about at this point in the season:

WTF Boston Bruins!
Really? You guys didn't lose in regulation in November? You went 12-0-1 after a brutal hangover in which you sat in the basement of the Eastern Conference. You didn't just beat teams, you killed teams. 7 times you scored 5 or more goals in that stretch. Nobody expected your terrible start to last long, but even more surprising was the run you went on as your embarrassed the Eastern Conference on your climb to the top of the Northeast Divison. WTF!

WTF Columbus!
How are you this bad? On paper you look like a decent team and on CapGeek you're paid like a team that should be contending. Nobody expected you to go 7-15-3 and become the NHL punching bag for teams wanting to pad their stats. Sure Jeff Carter was hurt, and James Wisniewski was suspended, but Vinny Prospal is your leading scorer. Wake up, Rick Nash. WTF!

WTF Ovi!
I drafted you first overall in my Yahoo! pool. I picked you in my season-long  pool in which I can't trade or drop you. I spent $9.5M on you in my weekly salary cap pool. What do I get for my faith in Ovechkin? 8 goals, a -6 rating, and only 14 PIMs? I miss the Ovi of 2008 that was a fantasy god. WTF!

WTF Sid!
Really? You're going to return after 11 months of not playing and put up 4 points in your first game back? Then you top that off with 9 points for the week and take home Player of the Week honours. You are a freak. Were you created in a lab? Who learns to shoot on a front end dryer anyways? WTF!

WTF Mike Green!
Why are you always hurt? Do you really want to develop an insulting moniker or reputation like that of Tim Connolly or Rick DiPietro? You teased me with 6 points in 8 games after I drafted you as the top defenceman in my hockey pool. Maybe you should get safer equipment or start eating more vitamins because it seems like you've always been on the trainers table since HBO 24/7. WTF!

WTF Eldest Staal!
-17? 5 goals on 92 shots? I can't believe those are Eric Staal stats. I'm dumbfounded by your performance so far and hope Kirk Muller can turn you around because I'm regretting drafting you for the first time in my life. I don't know if it's because you concussed Marc, or feel sorry that Jared will always be on the East Coast, but you need to start playing like Jordan and light it up. WTF!

WTF Roberto Luongo!
Most people wanted you to fail, but I trusted you to get me 35+ wins this year playing for the Vancouver Canucks. Your 3.05 GAA and .892 SV% are an eyesore to look at and nobody will be pumping your tires with stats like that. You'll get your time to play when Schneider falters, but you'll probably have to post shutouts every game to stay in the lineup (oops nevermind, you blew it). I didn't want to say it, but you are being outplayed by a ginger. WTF!

WTF Tim Thomas!
In the last month you had 8 starts and won them all. You posted 3 shutouts, a 1.61 GAA and a .945 SV%. As a Leaf fan, I can't even hate you. I want to because you dominate Toronto, but I just can't bring myself to think of you like that. Your story is incredible as you became an NHL starter at age 32 after dipping your toes in every hockey league in the world. But seriously though, how are you so good and play like a road hockey goalie? WTF!

4 comments:

  1. I rant about OV all the time... he's ruining my fantasy team

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  2. I would like to add a WTF Subban to the mix.

    1 measly goal so far this year and on pace for 3! Who is he? Hall Gill? I picked him as one of my top 3 d-men in a league that give bonuses for d-men goals. Shit I got dudes off the waiver wire who are scoring circles around him right now. Where is the competitive fire?

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  3. There's so much about this piece that I love. It's missing a WTF Shanahan component though.

    ReplyDelete

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