Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Tips To Make Sure You Watch Every NHL Playoff Game

What watching hockey with a concussion is like.
With the Stanley Cup Playoffs just one week away, now is the time to start putting in the time with your girlfriend, family or kids. Spring is a busy time with tons of things to do around the house and with the warmer weather your GF/Wifey is going to want to be spending a lot more time outside and not sitting in on a Saturday watching a hockey game go into triple overtime. Be prepared for sarcastic remarks (e.g. "Oh, are the Leafs playing?") and the occasional backlash for not paying enough attention, but there are a few ways to avoid these problems and watch as much hockey as you want.

Here are some helpful tips to make sure you don't miss any playoff action:
  • Start your spring cleaning this week. The outside patio stuff should already be out and cleaned. The garage should be in order and anything your GF/Wifey might need should be out in the open and easy to find.
  • Take the Christmas lights down right after reading this post. They can be a bitch to put up, but taking down can be easy. Just grab one end of the wire and rip the whole line of it out of the tree or from around your windows. Christmas lights are so much cheaper now and you can easily replace them next year. Hell we all know there is a pretty good chance the GF/Wifey is going to want to change the colours around any ways.
  • Try and squeeze in a nap after work. You might need that extra hour when a west coast game goes into overtime. Or better yet, squeeze in a nap at work
  • With outdoor weather, there will be more chores to do such as mowing and watering the lawn, raking up dead leaves, pulling weeds, and maybe even washing the cars. The best way to get these chores done but still have time for hockey is to blackmail or exploit neighbourhood children for labour
  • Pre-order flowers to be delivered every two weeks during the Playoffs to your special someone. This should give you some extra leeway when she walks in and sees you watching hockey, but also sees some nice daisies waiting to be trimmed and organized. 
  • If you know you're going to lose a battle on the couch one night and your GF/Wifey is adamant on watching American Idol 26, just say you "need to go help [insert friends name] with something" then go your friends place and help them watch hockey. Be sure to sprint home one block from your house so you get a little sweat going and it looks like you worked hard.
  • Start growing a playoff beard. If you look scruffy and resemble a pan handler there is no way the GF/Wifey is going to want to be out in public with you. Bring on the take out food and hockey watching nights.
  • Tell your GF/Wifey that you are now working for Dirty Dangle as a writer and you need to watch every game so you are updated and not behind on what has happened.
  • In between playoff rounds or nights with no games, it's very important to watch or do whatever the GF/Wifey wants. Ikea? Sure, they have great meatballs and unlimited fountain pop. Movie Night? Nachos and cheese always hits the spot and if the movie sucks you can squeeze in a nap. 
  • The best way however, is to have a GF/Wifey that loves hockey as much as you do, if not more, and never let her go. 


  1. I say just be single and have a bunch of hot booty calls


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