Friday, February 14, 2014

How Other NHLers Are Spending Their Olympic Breaks

It's the Olympic break and the NHL is shutdown for two weeks while a fraction of the league's players represent their countries in Sochi. All the focus is on the stars going for gold in Russia, but you can't forget about the players that didn't make the Olympics. You can imagine most players are flying somewhere hot with their families, but we'd like to imagine that some players are using their time off in a different way.

Here's how we imagine a few of the NHLers are spending their Olympic breaks:
  • Tyler Bozak will be throwing a few shakers with roomie Phil Kessel away, but shouldn't miss his buddy too much as James van Riemsdyk will keep them connected.
  • While watching Canada's games, Marc-Andre Fleury will choke on his popcorn and that he wouldn't have been able to handle the big stage despite a league leading 31 wins.
  • Jiri Hudler will be working on changing his Czech citizenship as someone running that team must hate him and his international career with them going forward doesn't look too good.
  • You can almost guarantee that Claude Giroux won't be golfing down south over the break. Instead he will spend most of the break pulling a Bieber by throwing eggs at Steve Yzerman's house.
  • David Clarkson is actually in Sochi protecting Team Canada's water bottles.
  • Jason Spezza will be watching Seinfeld reruns:
  • Every Buffalo Sabres player will be getting the hell out of that dump and heading somewhere warm.
  • Tyler Seguin and Brad Marchand have VIP rooms booked at Temptations Resort in Cancun.
  • Bobby Ryan and Keith Yandle are going to have a darts tourney, but with Brian Burke's face on the board instead. 
  • Sadly, Todd Bertuzzi will be drinking alone somewhere.
  • Eric Staal is tracking down all those Cheerios cereal boxes with his Olympic picture and having a massive bonfire.
  • There's a pretty good chance James Reimer will be helping Brain Rafalski build a church somewhere.
  • Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle are shutting it down in Edmonton with two weeks worth of Kraft Dinner:
  • Milan Lucic is definitely not hanging out in downtown Vancouver.
  • Mike Fisher plans on watching The Sound of Music on loop starring his smokeshow of a wife.
  • Steven Stamkos will be throwing back quinoa salads and chia shakes while riding a stationary bike like a madman. He's going to go on a tear when he returns. 
  • Dany Heatley is being a fucking All-Star and still spending some of Eugene Melnyk's money on strippers and different toys for his cottage.
  • Nail Yakupov is travelling around North America talking to all the NHL general managers and begging them to trade for him.
  • Jeff Skinner is going to dust off his old figure skates and see if he's still got it so he can make a run for Pyeongchang in 2018 and be the only NHLer at the Olympics that year:


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